An Alternative View of Hereford

It's Monday Morning and for no better reason that there isn't much Hereford United news about, Bulls News has been taking a look at Uncyclopedia and what it says about Hereford and Hereford United.

Uncyclopedia, "the content-free encyclopedia that anyone can edit", was founded in 2005 as an English-language wiki featuring satirically themed articles. It is formatted as a parody of Wikipedia and aims ultimately to parody all encyclopedic subjects.

Below are a few paragraphs from the Hereford section which has recently been updated.

It starts well:

Hereford is a fine and ancient city on the banks of the River Wye. Known nationally as the home of cider, and of reigning European football champions, Hereford United.

But doesn't get any better:

Hereford is also the only city in England which is forbidden by royal decree from ever having a bypass, lest travellers should accidentally pass through without experiencing the splendours of the world-renowned Belmont roundabout. This wonder of the modern world was completed in less than 10 years at a cost of only 150 million pounds, in order to bring the splendours of the George at Asda range of designer costumery to the grateful populous.

A little History:

After a long and proud history of independence, the county of Herefordshire was occupied by forces from Worcestershire in 1974. During the occupation, Herefordians were forbidden to use their native tongue, known as ‘Erefudian, and instead had to adopt the sub-Birmingham nasally drone of the occupying forces. Brave Herefordians repeatedly committed acts of resistance such as erecting signs for Herefordshire along the ancient boundaries, only to have them torn down by the enemy. They also bravely continued to consume vast quantities of local cider to show their defiance. Many were publicly executed by the Worcester government, and an unfortunate few were subjected to the cruel and inhumane torture of being taken to the Gay Meadow in Shrewsbury and forced to watch the local version of aerial ping-pong which took place there on Saturdays.

And some Politics:

Hereford is ruled by the Monster Raving Looney Party, whose leader, the mysterious Parkabull, lives in a north London squat with a number of rock stars. Although he is never seen in the city, Parkabull issues daily edicts on all issues from religion to season ticket sales. These are delivered through his personal website. The democratic process in the city consists of citizens rising to his bait until they go quietly mad.

The Edgar Street Grid scheme is a splendid project to re-develop the northern part of the city whilst simultaneously transferring large amounts of public and taxpayers cash into the pockets of mysterious private ‘investors’. It will certainly be a tremendous surprise if it later transpires that any corruption took place.

And then Sport:

Hereford is home to reigning European Champions Hereford United, who play at the 60,000 seater San Cowshedio stadium. Premier League champions for the last 3 years, United and their manager, Graham Turnip, are currently the subject of criticism from some supporters for their revolutionary plan to field only 7 players in games next season. Turnip has recently lashed out at these supporters, and it is widely anticipated that Ronaldinho will be unveiled as the club’s newest signing very shortly. Said Turnip, “Ronaldinho will bring the playing staff to 8, thus undermining the boo boys completely”.

David Beckham, who owns a villa in Bullinghope, has been constantly linked with a move to the Bulls, and Beckhams wife, Victoria, was recently seen shopping for jewellery in the cities’ upscale boutique, Primark. However, it is thought the Bulls would have trouble matching his current salary of 3 squillion pounds a year without a massive increase in sponsorship from local websites, which has been ruled out by Mr. Turnip. In a shock recent development however, the Bulls News website has offered 8 million pounds to fund Mr. Beckham's tracksuits, and a deal may now be on the cards. In the past, Hereford United have been sponsored by chicken and turkey behemoth Sun Valley, although there are rumours that the 2010-2011 season will be sponsored by local firm Telekomunikacja Polska.

We've no idea who has written this so we can't acknowledge the author/s. However there is a lot more on http://mirror.uncyc.org/wiki/Hereford if you, dear reader, really have nothing better to do.

---